Here is the a link to an interview done with the couple behind the true story of the 2012 movie “The Vow”
I encourage you to read it. It is the basis for what I am about to ask…..
- What is real, true love?
- Is it a just a feeling?
- Does it take work?
- Can one “fall” in love?
- Can one “fall” out of love?
As I read the article and realized the movie was nothing like the Carpenters real story, I could have been disappointed as she stated “I would love to say that I fell in love with him again because that’s what everybody wants to hear,” Krickitt said. “I chose to love him and that was based on obedience to God, not feelings … I chose to love him because I made a vow.”
This statement got a lot of flack in the comments to this article. I mean, why stick with someone you don’t love or don’t remember loving? God would understand if she didn’t even remember the guy. She’s doing a disservice to herself and her children by staying with someone she doesn’t love…..These are comments that I read over and over and it really saddened me.
Is that what many people think love is now? You get married and then when things get tough and you don’t “feel” in love anymore, you just move on to someone else? No wonder the divorce rate is so high! When you make a commitment, you don’t break it. It is not in God’s plan for couples to get divorced. In fact, he still considers them married until one of them dies!!
“And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife; and the twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Mark 10:3-9
“And he said unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” Mark 10:11,12
Kind of hard to argue with the above verses if you believe the Bible is God’s word.
So what is love then? Is it just a feeling as many want to believe? So many of us have fallen prey to the fairy tales and romance novels and movies. These stories are NOT real!
That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great love story, but it takes work. Ask any married couple that has been married for a long time (and loves each other) and they will tell you it takes work. That feeling of being in love is not always there. I think it’s better to say sometimes you don’t “like” your spouse, but you still love them if you’re willing to work through things.
My husband and I, for example, have been married for just about 12 years now. We’ve had 3 kids and have had lots of rough patches. After the “honeymoon” period was over, there were arguments, hurt feelings (usually mine), times of joy and peace, times of wanting to push him off the bed……Anyway, it was definitely a lot of roller coaster times through the first, probably 6-7 years. Seriously, I look back at that and think, wow….I mean it’s not like we didn’t love each other at all, because that’s what kept us going, but I’ve had so many times where I didn’t really “feel” in love with him. The fact that divorce is not an option and that we could see that those down times were only temporary and then at least for myself, realizing that many times those down times were because of my own bad attitude and selfishness and not following God’s word, and I’m sure he realizes the same about himself. It’s all part of 2 different people learning to become one and for some, that is easier than for others, but it all comes down to willingness to do it. For those couples that have an easier time putting away their pride and selfishness and giving over to their spouse, they will come to that point of oneness much sooner.
The last few years have been much smoother as far as feeling more “in love” more often and I feel that we are much closer now, though we still have a lot of work to do. But like I said, it all comes down to the willingness to put forth the effort and realize that if we put away the selfishness and pride, we can choose to be “in love” with each other.
What does God say about love?
“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
“And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
God commands us to love each other so obviously, with his help, we can love even when we don’t “feel in love”, and that feeling of love will follow if we do it God’s way. If we love someone, we will overlook their faults. If I love my husband, I will get over it when he makes me upset. I’ll realize that maybe he’s having a bad day, or realize that I have my own faults, so why should I get so upset or hold a grudge over some stupid little thing he does or doesn’t do according to the way I want him to do it.
I’ve realized that I can stop being angry with him if I want to……It all comes down to a choice. Many don’t want to accept that, but it’s true. You can choose to be happy, you can choose to love your spouse even in the rough times, and that is what Mrs Carpenter chose to do.
I’m going to stop there and continue this in another post because I have more to say on the subject.
Please feel free to comment with your thoughts 🙂